FARM  VOICES 


DON    C.  SEITZ 


FARM    VOICES 


Farm  Voices 

echoed  by 
DON   C.  SEITZ 


with  pictures  to  fit  by 
ALFRED   W.  FRUEH 


HARPER  &  BROTHERS  PUBLISHERS 

NEW   YORK   AND   LONDON 


Copyright,  1 01 8,  by  Harper  &  Brothers 

Printed  In  the  United  States  of  America 

Published  June,  1918 


GOL    DURN    THE     LUOW! 


2132644 


CONTENTS 

THE  FARMER'S  WIFE 3 

SHEEP 5 

THE  TAME  CROW 6 

THE  CITY 7 

THE  VILLAGE  TRADER 9 

THE  HOG 10 

THE  MORTGAGE n 

THE  BULL 12 

THE  SNAKE 13 

THE  WOOD-BOX 14 

THE  BEES 15 

SNOWED  IN 16 

THE  POTATO-BUG 17 

THE  BULLFROG 18 

THE  SEPARATOR 19 

BLACKBIRDS 20 

THE  HIRED  MAN 21 

BUCKWHEAT  CAKES 23 

THE  RAIN 24 

THE  HORSE-RACE 25 

THE  'CooN  HUNT  .  . 27 

THE  POORHOUSE 29 

[iii] 


BOYS 31 

THE  SPRING 32 

CORN 33 

THE  Fox       34 

THE  WOODCHUCK 35 

THE  OWL 36 

THE  SCHOOLMA'AM 37 

THE  COLTS 38 

HARD  CIDER 39 

THE  Ox  TEAM       40 

OLD  BILL  BRYAN 41 

THE  FROST .  42 

FlRE 43 

THE  VILLAGERS 44 

THE  HORSE-TRADER .  45 

THE  HEN-HAWK 46 

HAYING 47 

THE  GOOSE 48 

THE  MUD-TURTLE 49 

GOING  BAREFOOT 50 

THE  FLY ; 51 

THE  CHIPMUNK 52 

THE  ROOSTER 5j 

THE  GIPSIES -54 

THE  TRAMP 56 

THE  WOOD-LOT 57 

THE  LINE  FENCE 58 

[iv] 


RYE 59 

CUTTING  TIMBER 60 

THE  Cow 61 

WINTER  WHEAT 62 

THE  COUNTY  FAIR 64 

SOAP-BOILING 66 

ELECTION  DAY 67 

SUCKING  PIGS 68 

THE  TURKEY  GOBBLER 69 

EASTER  EGGS 70 

THE  SMOKE-HOUSE 71 

THE  HAIR-SNAKE 73 

MAPLE  SUGAR 74 

THE  NEW  MOON 76 

CHEER  UP! 77 


FARM    VOICES 


V 


\ 


THE  FARMER'S  WIFE 

SARAH  FISHER  died 

After  livin*  with  Jim 

For  forty  year. 

She  was  a  Plummer, 

An*  come  with  him 

From  Maine 

In  1870, 

The  pair  of  'em 

Havin'  nothin' 

But  four  strong  arms 

An'  iron  wills, 

Her's  the  most  metal. 

Lord!    how  that 

Woman  worked 

An'  druv,  an' 

Scolded  everything 

Includin'  Jim, 

Until  at  last  they 


Had  the  biggest 

Farm  an*  the 

Most  money  of 

Anybody  hereabouts 

An'  nothin*  else. 

Well,  when 

"Dust  to  dust" 

Was  over  an*  we 

All  turned  away, 

It  made  me  grieve 

To  see  Jim,  old 

An'  bent  an'  gray, 

Git  into  his  buggy 

Alone. 

So  I  joined  him, 

Thinkin'  to  console: 

"You  have  the  memory, 

Jim,"  I  said, 

"Of  a  good  woman. 

She  was  a  good  , 

Provider  and 

She  looked  out 

For  your  things.'* 

"Yes,"  he  answered, 

Slowly, 

"She  was  a  good  woman. 

She  looked  out  for  my  things, 

She  was  a  good  provider — 

But,  somehow,  I  never  liked  her!" 


SHEEP 


I  S'POSE  ther's 

Bigger  fools 

Somewhere 

Than  sheep, 

But  I  never  seen  'e 

An*  I  was  born 

In  Kansas, 

Where  there  was 

Plenty. 

They  don't  know 

Nothin'  but 

How  to  bleat, 

Turn  up  their  eyes, 

An'  die  easy. 

One  cussed 

Dog 

Can  kill  a  hull  flock. 

The  rams 

Have  plenty  of 

Horns, 

Yit  they  never 
Butt  anything 
But  me! 


THE  TAME  CROW 

IMP  of  Satan, 

That's  what  he  is! 

I  don't  keer  if  the  boys 

Do  like  him. 

Some  day  I'll  wring 

His  dod-gasted  neck. 

Stole  my  collar-button 

Only  yesterday, 

An'  before  that 

All  of  my  matches. 

Can't  leave  a  thing 

Around  he  doesn't 

Git  into. 

Then,  when  you 

Ketch  him, 

Jist  hollers, 

"Caw!   caw!   caw!" 

So  it  sounds 

Like 

"Haw!    haw!    haw!" 


[6] 


THE  CITY 

ONE  time 
I  went  to  Chicago, 
Which  is  Injun 
For  skunk-town. 
Never  see 
Such  a  place! 
Nothin'  but 
Noise  an'  dirt 
An*  hurry. 
Seemed  as  if 
Everybody  was 
Coin'  somewhere 
An*  not  gittin*  there! 
No  blue  sky, 
Nothin'  but  smoke. 
Like  to  have 
Choked. 
Thought  I'd 
Take  a  little 
Likker  home, 
Where  the  law 
Don't  let  us 
Have  it. 


Comin*  back  on  the  cars 

I  got  to  thinkin' 

That  it  was 

Pretty  low  down 

To  smuggle  in 

The  plzen, 

So  I  jist 

Chucked  it 

Out  o*  the  winder  1 

Better  go  dry 

I  say, 

Than  do  things 

That  make  the  country 

Seem  like  the  city. 


[8] 


THE  VILLAGE  TRADER 


NEVER  seems  to 

Occur  to  him 

That  a  farmer 

Would  onct  in  a  while 

Like  some  money. 

"I'll  take  in  yer  truck," 

He  says,  "an'  give  ye  credit  1" 

Thinks  he's  holdin' 

My  trade! 

That's  why  the 

Chicago  buyer  gits 

My  crops 

An'  why  I  send 

Away  for  things. 

Don't  leave  much 

Cash  in  the  town, 

But  I  kin 

See  as  fur  as 

That  trader! 


THE  HOG 


LAZY  ole  grunter 

Snoozin'  in  the  pen! 

Hain't  purty  to  look 

At,  but  I  kin  see 

Him  puttin*  on 

The  flesh 

Every  day! 

Worth  fourteen  cents  a 

Pound  jist 

As  he  lays  ther, 

An'  addin*  to  it 

The  longer  he 

Grows. 

A  hog 

Understands 

His  biz, 

Which  is 

To  git  fat 

An'  hurry 

Up 

About  it!  i 


THE  MORTGAGE 

MY  father 

Ust  to  say 

"They  hain't 

No  cupulo 

Nor  no  mortgage 

On  my  house!" 

Which  is  the 

Way  it  should  be! 

Yit  a  cupulo 

Is  pretty  stylish 

An'  makes  the  gals 

Feel  envious 

When  they  see  oner— 

But,  shucks! 

They  never  had          , 

To  tote 

A  mortgage! 


[II] 


THE  BULL 

RED-EYED, 
Thick-necked 
Ugly  cuss. 
Allus  fixed 
To  make  a  fuss! 

Think  I'm  scar'd  of  ye,  ye  devil. 
Think  you'll  pay  some  good  with  evil! 
I  guess  not.     The  ring  won't  fail — 
If  it  does  I'll  twist  yer  tail! 

Red-eyed, 
Thick-necked 
Ugly  cuss. 
Better  give  up 
Makin'  a  fuss! 


THE  SNAKE 

MAKES  me  creep  to  see  a  snake 

Wriggle  in  and  out  the  brake, 

Glisten'-eyed  and  smooth  of  skin, 

'Riginal  of  Eden's  sin. 

Can't  see  why  we  hate  'em  so. 

After  all,  I  r'ally  know 

That  he  does  more  good  than  harm 

To  the  things  around  the  farm. 

Just  the  same  I  allus  shake 

Every  time  I  see  a  snake! 


THE  WOOD-BOX 

TALK  about  the  glutton's  maw 
An'  the  things  that  bite  and  chaw, 
Nothin'  is  so  hard  to  fill 
As  the  wood-box;    me  an'  Bill 
Are  allus  choppin',  splittin'  wood. 
Doesn't  seem  to  do  no  good. 
Allus  empty,  Spring  or  Fall, 
Can't  you  hear  the  wimmin'  call, 
" Hurry,  Henry,  git  some  wood!" 
We  git  and  git  an'  it  does  no  good! 


THE  BEES 

BUSY  little  cusses 
Buzzin*  in  the  sun, 

Allus  hard  a*  workin'; 
Workin*  never  done! 

Pilin'  up  the  honey 
For  other  folks  to  eat 

Who  never  mind  the  labor 
Long's  the  honey's  sweet! 

Raisin*  swarms  of  new  ones 
To  lug  along  the  load — 

Life  is  short  and  crowded 
Like  a  city  road. 

Pushin',  squeezin',  crowdin* 
At  the  beehive's  door; 

Never  seem  to  git  enough — 
Allus  huntin*  more! 


SNOWED  IN 

TAIN'T  so  bad  to  be  snowed  in  now 
With  corn  in  the  crib,  'n'  hay  in  the  mow, 
Plenty  o'  ham  an'  bacon  cured 
An'  flour  an'  potatoes  stored. 

Good  deal  different  from  long  ago 
When  the  blizzard  piled  the  shifting  snow 
On  top  of  the  house  and  over  the  farm 
With  nothing  but  sod  to  keep  us  warm. 

Them  was  the  days  that  took  hearts  stout 
To  stay  in  Kansas  and  stick  it  out. 
Little  to  wear  an'  nothing  to  eat 
But  cracked  corn  meal  an'  fat  side  meat. 

No  friends  or  neighbors  or  money  or  food 
That  was  fit  to  swaller — think  what  we  stood! 
But  it's  all  right  now  in  this  latter  day. 
Come  in  an'  hear  the  pianner  play! 


[16] 


THE  POTATO-BUG 

COME  from  Collerado. 

Why,  we  do  not  know; 
Chawed  his  way  to  seaboard 

Fifty  year  ago. 

Keeps  the  farmer  dustin' 
Vines  with  Paris  green; 

Never  stops  devourin'. 
Yaller-striped  an*  mean. 

Can't  be  used  for  nothin' — 

Just  a  pesky  pest 
Trotted  out  by  natur' 

To  spile  a  farmer's  rest. 


THE  BULLFROG 

BIGGEST  noise  in  natur* 

'Cordin'  to  his  size; 
How  he  ever  holds  so  much 

Allus  a  surprise. 

Biggest  jumper,  too,  they  say, 

Reck'nin'  by  his  legs; 
Man  could  hop  'most  to  the  moon 

If  he  had  such  pegs. 

Kinder  dreary,  though,  his  note, 

In  the  early  spring; 
Makes  me  feel  lonesome 

When  the  bullfrogs  sing. 


[18] 


THE  SEPARATOR 

BEFORE  this  new-fangled  'traption  come 
Woman's  work  was  never  done — 
But  man,  he  had  a  chanct  to  quit, 
Something  now  that  hasn't  yit 
Occurred  with  us;    the  creamery  crank 
Is  allus  holdin'  out  to  yank! 
Time  agone  the  yeller  scum 
Rose  itself  and  butter  come 
In  the  crocks  that  easy.    Now  a  man 
Has  to  turn  and  turn  the  dam* 
Infernal,  grindin*  milk-masheen; 
Makes  him  feel  that  small  and  mean 
To  see  a  woman  twist  and  turn 
When  she  only  oughter  churn! 


i 


BLACKBIRDS 


THEY  come  in  swarms  o'  thousands 
An*  settle  in  the  wheat, 

Like  a  raidin'  army 
After  grub  to  eat. 

Led  by  feathered  generals 

Whose  orders  all  obey, 
They  move  in  whirling  concert 

Across  the  wind's  highway. 

Doesn't  take  this  army 

Long  to  clear  the  field, 
Cleanin*  up  the  gleanings 

Left  behind  the  yield. 

»****»< 


Then  off  in  long  battalions 
Between  the  earth  an'  sky, 

A  darkinin*  the  daylight, 
So  thick  the  blackbirds  fly! 


THE  HIRED  MAN 

ORNERY 

Long-legged 

Lunk-head ! 

Allus  braggin' 

How  much  better 

They  did  things 

At  Perkinses, 

Where  he  worked  last. 

Would  have  stayed  there, 

Only  he  seen 

We  needed  help 

And  come 

To  accommodate  us! 

Say, 

You'd  oughter  see 

The  critter  eat! 

Sixteen  saleratus 

Biskits,  yaller  an* 

Steamin';    seven 

Hard-b'iled  eggs 

An'  five  potatoes; 

Drunk  a  quart 

Of  coffee, 

(21} 


Swallered  two 

Quarters  o'  pie! 

Says  workin* 

Gives  him  an* 

Appytite! 

If  it  did  we'd 

Be  et 

Out  o'  house  an*  home! 

Has  to  be  told 

Every  goldinged 

Thing  over  and  over — 

Like  feedin'  the 

Stock  an*  water'n'  'em 

An'  where  is  the  pitchfork — 

For  which  he  gits 

Forty  dollars  a  month  an'  fodder! 


BUCKWHEAT  CAKES 

FOR  a  r'ally  first-class  filler 

Give  me 

Buckwheat  cakes, 

Each  about 

One  foot  wide 

'N'  half  an  inch 

Thick, 

Fried  in  a  skillet 

With  plenty  o' 

Butter  an*  sorghum 

Syrup. 

Urn!    Um! 


THE  RAIN 


WISH  they'd  fix  it  so's  the  rain 
Could  fall  sometime  at  night — 

'Tween  ten  o'clock  an'  two  A.M. 
Would  jist  about  be  right. 

Let  it  come  fast  an*  heavy 

Until  the  dawn  of  day, 
Then  shut  up  all  the  sprinklers 

An'  send  the  clouds  away. 

A  farmer  'd  know  then  what  to  do 
'Bout  hayin*  an*  the  crops, 

Instead  of  now,  when  most  his  time 
Is  taken  up  with  stops. 

I'd  like  to  have  it  finished 

Before  the  sun  has  riz. 
Oh,  things   would    go 

much  better 
If  Rain  would  'tend 
to  biz! 


THE  HORSE-RACE 

KNOWED  long  ago 

That  dne  hoss 

Could  run 

Faster  'n  another. 

That  part  of  it 

Is  all  O.  K. 

But  it  makes 

A  difference  if 

It's  yer  hoss 

Or  the  other 

Feller's 

Which  gits 

The  twenty-five  dollars 

For  bein* 

First, 

Or  fifteen  dollars 

To  second 

An'  ten  dollars  to 

Third,  with 

Nothin'  to  the  rest. 

Jist  as  my  colt 

Hit  the  last 

Quarter, 


A  neck  ahead  at 

The  county  fair, 

The  right  wheel  come 

Off  the  sulky 

An'  I  went  over 

The  rail! 

Colt,  he 

Never  flickered 

In  his  gait, 

Jumpin* 

The  wire 

Number  one! 

Didn't  do 

That  jockey 

Much  good 

To  loosen 

The  linch-pin! 


THE  'COON  HUNT 

IN  brown  October, 
When  nuts  are  fallin* 
The  'coon  dog  gits 
Restless  an*  uneasy, 
Comin'  aroun' 
After  supper 
Whinin'  an'  pleadin' 
To  be  took  out 
Into  the  woods. 
Bineby  the  boys 
Fall  for  his 
Coaxin'  and 
Creep  through  the 
Forest 
In  the  pale 
Moonlight, 
Scannin* 


The  trees  for 

Eyes  shinin* 

Like  fire. 

Sure  enough,  soon 

They've  treed  a  'coon. 

Foolishest  kind 

Of  work,  I  think, 

To  cut  down 

A  tree  which  has 

Been  growin* 

More'n  two  hundred 

Years 

To  git 

A  coon! 

If  they 

Was  asked 

To  do  it 

For  cordwood 

They'd  be 

Too  tired! 


[28J 


THE  POORHOUSE 

WENT  over  to  the  poorhouse 
Yesterday 
To  see  a  calf. 
Miser'ble  place! 
Forty  bein's  in  it 
Called  human — 
County  wards — 
Men  not  more  'n 
Half  alive, 
Women  slatterns. 
Plain  enough 
What  brought 
Them  there, 
But  just  the  same 
Made  me  feel  low 
In  my  mind. 
Smelled  bad. 
An'  worse  of  all, 
There  were 
Children  growin*  up 
To  be  paupers. 
Seems  to  me 
When  folks  see 
[29] 


Some  of  us 

Slidin'  down 

Hill  toward  the 

Place 

They  oughter  stop 

The  slippin*. 

Shouldn't  be 

Poorhouses 

Nor  people  in  them! 


[30] 


BOYS 


No  spot  in  the  world  I  know 
Where  a  boy  can  have  a  show 
Like  on  the  farm.     Gee!    it's  the  place 
To  make  a  start  in  the  human  race. 

All  outdoors  at  his  command. 
Feels  the  lift-up  of  the  land; 
Can't  be  cramped  in  wind  or  muscle; 
Every  chanct  to  jump  an'  hustle. 

Then  the  fun!    What  can't  he  do 
Workin'  with  the  farmer's  crew? 
Drivin'  teams  an'  feedin'  hogs, 
Milkin'  cows  an'  haulin'  logs, 

Runnin'  the  rake  in  the  hay-field  wide, 
Bossin'  the  team  with  proper  pride, 
Trainin'  the  steers  to  jee  an'  haw, 
Showin'  off  'fore  paw  and  maw. 

When  I  think  of  them  city  boys 
Livin'  in  flats  with  dirt  and  noise, 
Havin'  no  call  to  use  their  arms, 
I'd  like  to  move  'em  to  the  farms! 
[31] 


THE  SPRING 

BUBBLIN*  out  between  the  rocks 

The  crystal  water  flows, 
Sent  from  the  mountains  far  away 

To  cool  our  heated  brows. 

Seems  a  shame  I  can't  drink  it  all, 

But  most  is  lost  forever, 
As  it  runs  away  adown  the  hill 

To  join  the  muddy  river. 

Like  everything  that's  good  an'  pure, 

It  stays  so  only  a  while, 
An'  has  to  go  and  mix  itself 

With  all  that's  low  an'  vile. 

Can't  think  it's  right  that,  clear  an'  clean, 

It  should  be  lost  forever 
By  runnin'  down  the  long  hillside 

To  join  the  muddy  river! 


CORN 


INJUNS  growed  it  before  we  come, 
Fattenin'  up  in  the  fall  o'  the  year 

'Gainst  the  winter  of  snow  and  cold 
On  the  succulent  milk  of  the  roastin'  ear. 

When  ripened  at  the  harvest-time 

They  cracked  the  grains  in  a  bowl  of  wood, 
Inventin'  hominy  for  us  to  use, 

An'  givin'  the  world  another  food. 


The  yaller  meal,  like  flour  of  gold, 
Is  a  product  rich  an'  rare — 

Nothin'  like  the  light  corn-bread 
To  fill  out  a  bill  o'  fare. 

I  love  to  see  the  tassels  bloom 
In  armies  over  the  field, 

An'  know  that  every  acre  adds 
Sixty  bushels  to  the  yield! 


[331 


THE  FOX 

SLY  and  slinkin'  poultry  thief, 

Hard  to  catch  a-nappin'; 
Gives  the  dogs  their  money's  worth. 

Much  too  smart  for  trappin'; 
Quick  of  eye  and  light  of  foot, 

He  goes  and  comes  uncaught; 
All  the  wiles  for  gittin'  him 

Only  run  to  naught. 

Never  'pears  to  hurry 

When  houn's  are  on  his  trail — 
Smart  enough  to  beat  'em  out; 

Seldom  known  to  fail; 
Cunnin'  little  rascal, 

Livin'  on  the  best, 
Stealin'  the  hen  turkeys 

Right  from  off  the  nest! 


[34] 


THE  WOODCHUCK 

FUNNY  how  the  wild  things 

Live  so  close  to  us; 
F'r  instance,  Mister  Woodchuck 

Thrives  without  no  fuss — 

Makin'  his  home  in  the  hillside, 

Right  in  all  plain  sight. 
Gits  his  livin'  proper, 

Doesn't  have  to  fight. 

Now  an'  then  the  dogs  break  loose 
An'  chase  him  to  his  burrow; 

Seldom  git  him,  for  he's  swift, 
Dodgin'  by  tuft  an'  furrow 

Till  he's  safe  inside  his  fort — 

Not  wuth  diggin*  out, 
Feedin'  on  the  clover  roots, 

Chirky,  clean,  an'  stout! 


[351 


THE  OWL 

MINERVY'S  bird,  they  call  the  owl, 
Wisest  of  the  feathered  fowl; 
Solemn-eyed  and  big  of  frame, 
Yet  a  bird  you  cannot  tame. 

Cricky!    How  it  makes 

me  jump, 
After  dark  out  at  the 

pump, 
b  hear  the  hoot-hoot 

an*  the  growl 

Of  the   screechin', 

mockin'  owl. 


Never  knew  one  to  be  smart; 
Guess  it  only  plays  a  part, 
Pretendin*  what  it  doesn't  know, 
Makin*  nothin'  but  a  show! 


[36] 


THE  SCHOOLMA'AM 

PRETTY  gay  this  week 
Up  to  our  house. 
The  schoolma'am, 
Boardin'  round, 
Is  takin'  her  turn 
With  us. 

'Stonishin'  how  many 
Of  the  boys 
Has  found  out 
Where  we  live. 
Comin'  aroun* 
All  slicked  up 
With  their  hair 
'lied  an* 
Smellin'  o* 
Bergamont. 
Tickles  mother, 
Who  sees 
A  chanct 
To  do  some 
Match-makin'! 


THE  COLTS 

FRISKY,  festive, 
Frolicsome  critters 
Are  the  colts, 
Rattling  aroun* 
The  pasture, 
Free  from 
Cares  an*  worries 
Which  stay 
Away 

From  them, 
As  from  us, 
Until  they're 
Broke! 


[38] 


HARD  CIDER 


strickly  a  temperance  beverage, 
For  it  goes  straight  to  the  spot. 
Don't  take  more  'n  half  a  gallon 
To  make  a  man  half-shot. 

Foams  when  it  flows  from  the  spigot, 

Beads  upon  the  glass, 
Holds  the  hardest  kind  o'  headache — 

Sour  as  bottled  Bass. 

Sort  o'  goes  with  the  church  folks, 
Who  are  down  on  rum  an'  beer, 

Who  use  a  line  o'  reasonin' 
That  allus  struck  me  queer. 


Bein*  that  it's  natur's  product, 
So  therefore  it  ain't  vile; 

That's    the    way    the    Deacon 

puts  it, 
An'  makes  us  sinners  smile! 


[391 


THE  OX  TEAM 

GRUNTIN',  squeakin'  across 

The  plains 

Creeps  the  ox  team, 

Texas  broad-horns, 

Six  locked  together, 

Towing  a 

Pr  ai  rie-schooner 

Full  o'  Pikes 

Leavin'  Missoury 

To  spile 

Some  spot 

In  Kansas  or  Nebrasky. 

Sallow  men 

Eatin*  tobacco, 

Skinny  wimmin, 

Dippin'  snuff, 

Children  scrawny 

An'  yaller, 

Shakin'  with  ager. 

Never  could  see 

What  Pikes  was  for 

Anyhow! 

[40] 


OLD  BILL  BRYAN 

UST  to  hear  him  bellerin*  away 

At  the  Fair  grounds 

Onct  a  year, 

First  about  silver  an'  gold 

Sixteen  to  one — 

Without  tellin*  us 

How  to  git  any 

Of  it. 

Then  he  tuk  to 

Temperance, 

Shuttin'  off 

The  supply 

Of  hard  stuff, 

With  a  crack 

At  wimmin's 

Rights 

On  the  side. 

Never  could  seem  to  do 

Enough  good 

Or  git  it  done — 

When  all  of  a  sudden 

They  come  acrost! 


THE  FROST 

NEVER  knew  such  tarnal  weather 
Ez  we  have  this  time — that  is,  I  rather 
Think,  except  last  year 
When  all  the  stuff  we  had  out  here 
Froze  dead  and  black,  an'  all  the  thought 
An*  work  an'  sweatin'  came  to  naught 
Because  of  frost.      It  don't  seem  right 
That  we  should  worry,  work,  an'  fight 
The  bugs  and  blight,  then  have  it  freeze 
Because  the  weather  wants  to  sneeze 
In  August  late  or  first  September 
Instead  of  waitin*  till  November! 


[42] 


FIRE 

THAT  fool 

Of  a  hired  man 

Went  an*  thro  wed 

A  match  into 

The  fence  corner, 

Then  run  off 

An'  left  it. 

Pretty  soon 

The  flicker  grew 

Into  a  flame 

An'  swept  the  field, 

Threatenin'  the  forest, 

Sendin*  up  a 

Shower  of  sparks 

That  flew 

In  all  directions. 

We  fought  until 

We  fell  with 

Weariness,  but 

Stamped  it 

Out. 

Then  the  fool 

Spoke  up. 

"Guess  I'll  have 

A  smoke," 

He  said. 

[431 


THE  VILLAGERS 


SELFISH,  stuck-up,  high-toned  crowd, 
Feelin'  big  an'  mighty  proud, 
Folks  like  them  who  never  see 
Nothin'  good  in  you  an'  me! 
Haven't  sense  to  understand, 
But  for  us  who  till  the  land, 
Where  they'd  be;   why,  diggin',  too, 
In  the  dirt  like  me  an*  you! 


THE  HORSE-TRADER 

I  KNEW  he  was  slicker  than  ile, 
I  knew  he  was  chuck  full  of  guile, 

But  I  didn't  know 

The  kind  of  a  show 
He  could  make  of  a  horse  with  one  eye. 

Of  course  I'd  seen  spavins  before, 
An*  defective  visions  galore, 

But  I  didn't  know  that 

She  was  blind  as  a  bat 
In  her  left  from  the  way  she  was  drove. 

The  joke  is  now  all  on  me, 

With  a  mare  that  is  lame  in  the  knee 

An*  blind  in  one  peeper 

With  the  other  a  weeper, 
But  I'll  beat  the  next  feller  for  sure! 


THE  HEN-HAWK 


NOTHIN'  worse  than  a  big  hen-hawk! 
How  it  makes  the  chickens  squawk 
When  it  swoops  down  from  up  the  sky 
To  steal  a  bird  as  it  passes  by. 

Hain't  no  use  that  I  can  see, 

Hidin'  in  some  lofty  tree, 

Waitin'  for  the  coast  to  clear 

An'  sure  that  no  one's  watching  near. 

Hard  to  shoot  an'  flying  high, 

Never    robs    when    some    one's 

nigh; 

Jist  a  rover  livin'  by  theft, 
Nesting  in  some  rocky  cleft. 

Some  say  besides  he  ketches  mice 
An'  rats  and  vermin  not  so  nice, 
But  I  believe  when  it  comes  to 

pickin' 
The    hen -hawk    allus    takes    a 

chicken! 


46] 


HAYING 


I  NEVER  believed  that  poetry  guff 
About  Maud  Muller,  in  nankin  stuff, 
A-rakin'  hay  when  the  judge  went  by — 
A  verse  that  makes  the  wimmin  cry 
When  they  think  of  Maud  with  rake  in  hand 
Missin'  a  chanct  to  be  rich  and  grand. 
Hayin's  warm  business,  an'  you  can't  do  work 
In  bonnet   and    rib      x-t     bins,  or  wield  a  fork; 
It     takes    muscle       /    \      and  sweat  to  make 

the  hay 

In    the    red -hot        S^ftlPx     g^re  ot  a  sum- 
mer day. 


THE  GOOSE 

I  HEARD  the  schoolmaster  say 

Some  geese  saved  Rome 

By  cacklin'  at  the  right 

Minute.    Wouldn't  wonder 

If  it  was  so. 

A  goose  has  got  more 

Sense  than  anything 

That  grows  upon  a 

Farm.     Goose  grease 

Is  good  for  rheumatiz, 

The  feathers  make 

Soft  pillows,  and 

The  big  white  birds 

Take  care  of  themselves, 

Which  is  more 

Than  most 

Folks  can. 


THE  MUD-TURTLE 

OFTEN  wisht  I  could 

Crawl  around 

Takin*  the  house  with  me, 

As  the  mud-turtle  does. 

Pays  no  rent  or  taxes; 

Does  as  he  darn  pleases, 

Havin'  liberty,  equality, 

An'  all  the  rest  of  it, 

Includin*  a  water-proof 

Roof. 

It  makes  me  smile 

To  see  a  row  of  the  reptiles 

Sunnin'  themselves  on  a 

Log  in  the  swale, 

Peaceful,  contented, 

Enjoy  in*  the  warmth 

An*  silent  society. 


GOING  BAREFOOT 


GEEWILLIKENS! 

Don't  it  feel  good 

To  peel  off  the  cowhides 

An*  tread  on  the 

Soft,  cool  grass 

Until  you  step 

On  to  a  honey-bee! 


THE  FLY 


THE  fly  has  three  thousand  eyes, 

A  man  but  two; 
That  makes  him  hard  to  swat 

For  me  an*  you! 


THE  CHIPMUNK 

SASSY  little  feller 

Sittin'  on  the  rail, 
Beady  eyes  a-twinklin', 

Histin'  up  his  tail. 

Looks  so  smart  an*  knowin* — 
Seems  to  guess  your  mind. 

Isn't  scared  of  nothin* — 
Friendly  with  mankind. 

Quicker  'n  chain  lightnin* 
When  he  has  to  skip, 

Here  an*  there  an'  nowhere, 
Funny  Mister  Chip! 


52] 


THE  ROOSTER 

CROWS  so  loud  he  wakes  me  up 

Every  blessed  mornin*. 
Doesn't  reach  the  hired  man — 

He  keeps  on  a-snorin'. 

Made  to  greet  the  comin'  dawn 

Were  the  struttin*  cocks, 
From  creation  up  to  now 

In  the  place  of  clocks. 

Our  big  rooster  never  fails 
To  give  the  time  o'  day; 

Folks  complain  he  shouts  too  much, 
But,  sho,  it's  just  his  way 

To  tell  the  world  the  sun  has  riz — 

Time  to  up  and  bustle. 

Only  mads  the  kind  o'  souls  j 

Who  never  want  to  hustle!  /? 


[S3l 


THE  GIPSIES 


THEY  are  all  excited  up 

To  the  house; 

Boys  came  runnin'  in 

To  say:   "Gipsies! 

Campin'  down 

The  road  by  the  big  trees." 

Little  folks  hide 

Behind  their 

Mother's  skirts. 

Haven't  they  heard 

That  gipsies  steal  'em, 

Carry  'em  off 

To  sell  to  rich  folks  after 

Puttin'  gold  rings 

In  their  ears  an* 

Stainin'  face  an* 

Hands  with  walnut 

Juice? 

Then  the  gals  hunt  up 

Their  dimes  an' 

Quarters  to  cross 

The  palms  of  the 

Weird  witch 

lS4l 


Women  with  silver 

While  they  hear  their  fortunes  told. 

None  of  it  for 

Mine.     What's 

More,  I  think 

They  ain't  no 

Exiled  kings  or  princesses 

With  second  sight, 

But  just  plain 

Vagabonds,  an* 

I'm  not  goin* 

To  trust  the 

Nags  to-night 

In  an  unlocked 

Barn! 


[SSl 


THE  TRAMP 

LOAFIN*,  idlin',  shiftless  scamp, 
Proud  to  call  himself  a  tramp. 
Not  too  proud  to  beg  or  steal — 
Anything  to  git  a  meal 
Without  workin*  or  quid  pro — 
Only  wants  to  loaf  an*  go 
Where  he  happens  to  have  a  mind. 
Hating,  hated  by  all  mankind. 
Out  of  place  in  the  scheme  of  life, 
Keeping  clear  of  toil  an*  strife, 
Thinks  he's  happy — may  be  so — 
Nothin*  to  it  but  loaf  an*  go! 
Like  myself  to  know  how  it  feels 
To  lay  around  an*  kick  my  heels! 


3 


THE  WOOD-LOT 

I  LIKE  to  go  into 
The  wood-lot 
On  Sunday  afternoons 
When  it's  warm  in  the  sun 
An*  the  heated  leaves 
Give  out  a  perfume 
That  beats 
Yew  de  Collony 
All  hollow— 
I  think  it's  the 
Sweetest  smell 
That  ever  blew 
Athwart  the 
Nose  of  man. 
Then  when  the 
Breeze  comes  an* 
Brings  a  soft 
Rustle,  like  silk 
An'  satin  rubbin* 
Together,  I  feel 
Restful  an* 
Calm  an*  don't 
Care  a  cuss  if  the 
Cows  do  git 
Into  the  sweet  corn! 
[571 


THE  LINE  FENCE 


SOMETIMES  I  wonder  why  it  is 
My  neighbor's  wrath's  so  easy  riz 
Jist  because  I  put  a  rail 
Where  the  line  fence  crossed  the  trail. 

Twan't  nothin'  public,  as  I  could  see, 
Only  a  path  by  the  old  oak-tree 
Where  the  Injuns  met  when  they  were  wont 
To  start  out  for  a  buffaler-hunt. 

He's  threatenin'  to  shoot,  but  I  ain't  scared; 
Shootin'  is  somethin'  he  never  dared. 
Seems  silly  to  me,  such  bluster  an' 

sound, 
When  it's  full  as  easy  for  him  to  go 

'round ! 


RYE 

EARLIEST  crop  to  come  to  head, 

Tallest  of  the  grains, 
Crawls  right  up  out  of  the  ground 

After  April's  rains. 

Waves  like  the  ocean  waters 

When  the  breezes  blow; 
Reaches  up  for  sunshine — 

Almost  see  it  grow. 

That's  what  cheers  the  farmer, 

Gladd'nin'  to  his  eye — 
Finest  straw  a-goin' — 

The  ripplin*  field  of  rye! 


[59] 


CUTTING  TIMBER 

HARDEST  thing  in  life  for  me 

To  go  out  cuttih*  timber; 
Allus  hate  to  touch  a  tree 

If  we  do  need  lumber. 

Want  to  leave  them  stand  an*  grow 

Tall  an*  green  an*  grand, 
Like  great  giants  in  a  row 

Guardin*  of  the  land. 

While  they  spread  their  coolin*  shade, 

Whisperin'  to  each  other, 
Shadowin*  the  forest  glade, 

Brother  nudgin*  brother. 

Seem  to  hear  the  hemlock  sigh 

An*  the  birches  shiver 
When  they  see  the  axmen  nigh; 

Know  the  aspens  quiver! 


[60] 


THE  COW 

MEEK  an*  lowly,  that  she  is, 
Until  you  come  to  milk  her — 

Like  as  not  she  then  turns  out 
To  be  a  lively  kicker. 

Waits  until  the  pail's  'most  full 
'Fore  she  tries  her  tricks: 

When  you  start  to  leave  the  stool 
Then  she  ups  and  kicks. 

Soft  brown  eyes  an*  gentle  looks 

Don't  count  in  a  cow. 
Them  that  seems  the  mildest 

Aptest  at  a  row. 

Git  lost  in  the  pasture — 
Can't  be  found  till  dark. 

Knows  as  well  as  town-folks 
I'm  an  easy  mark. 

Co  boss!   co  boss!   co  boss! 

Hear  the  farm  boy's  cry: 
So  boss,  so  boss,  so  boss: 

Blamed  if  she  ain't  dry! 
[61] 


WINTER  WHEAT 

PEEPS  from  the  ground 
A  little  while 
Before  the  snow  comes 
An'  wakes  up  early 
In  spring; 
Ripe  an'  yellow 
By  Fourth  of  July, 
Ready  for  the 
Reaper. 
Thrashin's  the 
Fun 

When  the  big 
Masheen  comes  along 
Towed  by  its  engine, 
Totin'  the  crew 
Behind. 
Reg'lar  picnic 
Thrashin'-time. 
Folks  all 
Excited, 

Women  doin'  their  best 
In  the  kitchen, 
The  engineer 
[62] 


Showin'  off 
Before  'em, 
While  the  farmer 
Sits  an'  sees 
The  golden 
Current 
Flow  out  o' 
The  hopper. 
Knows  it  means 
Money 
When  he  kin 
Git  two  dollars 
Fer  a  bushel 
At  the  elevator! 


[63] 


THE  COUNTY  FAIR 

THIRTY  thousand 
Of  us  guys 

Tend  the  County  Fair 
In  order  to  turn 
Over  our  spare 
Cash  to  fakirs 
From  Chicago, 
St.  Lewy, 
An*  Kansas  City 
Sellin'  us 
Everythin*  from 
Gold  bricks 
To  patent  churns 
Or  takin'  pay 
For  lettin'  us 
See  'em 

Swallerin*  snakes. 
We  all  go 
Every  year  to 
Be  trimmed 
In  the  same 
Fashion 
Besides  payin* 
[64] 


The  price  of 

Admission. 

Onct  I  came 

Pretty  near 

Guessin'  which 

Shell  the  pea 

Was  under — but 

Didn't.     Cost 

Ten  dollars, 

I  was  that 

Sure. 

The  sheriff 

Wouldn't  do 

Nothin'  about 

It. 

"I  can't  waste 

Any  time,"  he  said, 

"On  fools 

That  wants 

To  bet 

Ag'in*  a  man 

At  his  own  game!" 


[65] 


SOAP-BOILING 

BIG  black  kettles 

Out  in  the  yard 

Full  o'  grease  an'  lye 

That  dripped  from  the 

Ash-barrel 

Until  there  was  enough 

To  make  soap 

For  the  family, 

Hard  an*  soft. 

That's  the  stuff 

To  take 

The  dirt  off— 

An'  the  skin, 

Too! 


ELECTION  DAY 

That  slick 

Politician, 

Bill  Cummins, 

Has  been 

Teasin'  me 

All  mornin' 

Over  the  'phone 

To  come  to 

Town  an' 

Vote 

To  save  the 

Country 

An'  git 

Two  dollars! 

Pretty  good 

Coin', 

To  save  the 

Country 

An'  git 

Two  dollars  to  boot! 


[67J 


SUCKING  PIGS 

LITTLE  pigs  is  sweet  to  see 
Before  they  start  to  grow — 

Pink  an'  white  an'  rosy, 
Layin'  in  a  row. 

Wonder  why  that  young  ones 
Have  good  looks  alone, 

While  the  old  an'  grown  up 
Are  homely  as  a  stone. 

Meanin'  youth  an'  beauty 

Ain't  all  in  a  pig — 
Thinkin',  too,  of  humans 

When  they  grow  up  big. 


[68] 


THE  TURKEY  GOBBLER 

HE  struts  an'  prunes  around  the  place 

As  if  he  came  from  a  royal  race, 

'Stead  out  of  the  woods  like  wolves  an'  bears, 

Which  don't  prevent  him  puttin'  on  airs. 

Once,  just  for  fun,  we  set  out  a  glass 

Beside  the  coop  where  the  gobbler  'd  pass, 

To  see  what  he'd  do.     He  done  it  all  right, 

For  no  sooner  had  the  bird  caught  sight 

Of  his  han'some  self  in  the  mirror's  sheen 

Than  he  goes  to  work  to  flutter  an'  preen 

Like  some  vain  maid  with  her  looks  entranced — 

Jist  so  the  gobbler  strutted  an'  pranced 

Before  the  mirror  an'  gobbled  an'  cooed 

As  if  he  saw  some  one  to  be  wooed 

In  the  figger  before  him,  not  knowin'  the  while 

It  was  just  himself  a-puttin'  on  style! 


[69] 


EASTER  EGGS 

COLORIN'  the  eggs 
For  Easter 
Upsets  the  house; 
All  kinds  of 
Trouble  gittin' 
The  dyes  to  set. 
Mother  says  she 
Wishes  she 
C'd  git  some 
Ol'-fashioned 
Madder  or 
Cochineal, 
Or  that  she'd 
Tried  onion 
Skins  'stead 
O'  aniline, 
Which  never 
Was  no  good 
For  dyein'. 


[70] 


THE  SMOKE-HOUSE 

PLUM  full  o'  pig 
In  sevril  forms 
All  appytizin' — 
Hams  'n'  shoulders, 
Side  meat  an' 
Sassangers 
Pickin'  up 
The  smoke 
From  the 
Smolderin* 
Corn-cobs. 
No  saltpetre 
Picklin' 

'Nf  gas-smokin* 
Here.     Real 
Sugar-cured 
'N'  salt-brined 
Articles. 

Takes  considerbul 
Pork 

To  feed  a 
Fambly 
That  eats 
171] 


Ham  an* 
Sich 

Three  times 
A  day! 


[72] 


THE  HAIR-SNAKE 


THE  boys  has  a  notion 

That  if  you  put 

A  horse-hair  in  the 

Waterin'-trough 

It'll  turn  inter 

A  snake. 

Dummed  if  I  don't 

Think  it's  so, 

For  one  time 

I  seen  it 

Wriggle! 


MAPLE  SUGAR 

SUGARIN'-OFF'S 

The  sporty  time 

On  the  farm. 

Days  o'  sunshine 

An'  nights  o'  frost, 

With  the  sap 

Drippin'  from 

The  spigots 

As  it  tries 

To  creep 

Up  from 

The  roots 

To  liven 

The  limbs. 

Dry  wood 

Crackles  under 

The  b'iler 

An'  all  hands 

Testin' 

The  syrup 

In  pans  of 

Snow, 

Gals  git 

[74] 


Stuck 
Up  with  it 
Feedin*  taffy 
To  the  boys. 
Fine  to  see 
The  fire 
Blazin* 
An'  smoke 
Curlin' 
From  the 
Chimney. 
When  the 
Sugar 

"Cones"  we 
Let  it 
Form  in 
Little  tin 
Pans  with 
Scolloped 
Edges. 

Looks  pretty 
An'  eats 
Better  'n 
It  looks! 


[75] 


THE  NEW  MOON 

SEEN  the  moon  last  night 

Over  my  right  shoulder, 

Sharp  an*  bright 

As  a  newly  ground  sickle. 

Say  it  brings  luck — 

I  dunno,  but  allus 

Feel  better 

When  I  see  the 

New  moon 

Over  the  right  shoulder. 


[761 


CHEER  UP! 

"CHEER  upl" 
Says  Jim  Fleck— 
"It's  allus  rainin* 
Somewhere  in  the 
World, 
Includin'  here!" 


THE    END 


DC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILI1 


A     000036673     2 


